Newbies: DO and DO NOT DO

January 15th 2007
By Jamie Innes


"Hi, I'm actor Troy McLure, you may remember me from such educational films as The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot and Alice's Adventure through the Windshield Glass. I'm here to give you the DO's and DO NOT DO's of foundation repair!.  - The Simpsons

I love The Simpsons. So many very cool quotes. Such subversive dialogue. And when I watched this episode in rerun the other day, I figured my "Newbies" DO and DON'T article should be called.... well... read the title.

Now there are basically 2 types of newbies. The first time, or otherwise casual rental customer... who comes with a booked group and spends only an hour or two at the field, using all rental gear.  The other kind is the newest regular player, who has purchased some entry level gear, and has just made the jump from playing with a booked group, to playing with other club members or regular players. This article is aimed at both these types of newbies, so if you happen to fall into this category, do yourself a favour and read this article. It will save you and everybody else some headaches.

DO...

• 1. Feel secure about the gear you have.

A lot of newbs get intimidated when they see the equipment that regular players have. They see harnesses, vests, slings, customised guns, customised masks... and of course... full camouflage. Bear in mind a few things when you're forced to compare your rental gear to the gear of the regular players.

1. All guns shoot the same. They shoot the same velocity, roughly the same range, and they're all semi automatic.
2. Nobody needs a high rate of fire in the woods. Your gun that you can shoot at 5 bps will generally be just as good as a gun that can be fired  much faster.
3. Vests, camouflage, harnesses and slings are all accessories. They are simply something that a player has purchased as a load bearing system. It does not directly reflect on their skill, or lack therof.
4. Customised guns are usually all for look. Things like scopes, sights, stocks, mags, and foregrips don't actually make the ball shoot straighter or further.

The worst thing you can possibly do is to look at the gear the regular players have and suddenly assume that your gear is inadequate. The truth of it is... your gear will be dirty, worn, and probably uncomfortable... since it's rental gear. But it will still work the way it's supposed to, otherwise the staff wouldn't give it to you.

• 2. Make an effort to remember who is on your team. 

Usually there is some system in place to help you out anyway, ie- teams that go by mask colour, clothing colour (Camo vs non camo), or armbands. You will start the game with the rest of your team at some sort of base or flag station, us this time to get an idea who is on your team (if you know them by name) or what they look like and how many of them there are (If you don't know them). If all else fails... look which direction a person's gun is pointing in-game. That usually gives you a good idea (though not fool proof) of which team somebody is on.

Nothing is more annoying to both other newbies and regular players, then when they get shot by newbs on their own team. There's saying which goes... "Friendly fire;- ISN'T". Yeah, you will be nervous and trigger happy your first time out, and mistakes do happen. But they can often be avoided if you simply expend some effort in thinking things through. Both before and during the game.

• 3. Listen to the rules when you are briefed.

Everybody hates it when the rules are not adhered to. It amounts to nothing but laziness. Common rules that are frequently broken include...

1. Picking up paintballs off the ground and put them in your gun. They tell you this for a reason. Paintballs when exposed to air/moisture, swell and expand. Put them in your gun, and not only will they not shoot, they will probably jam up the gun. Furthermore, they're sometimes dirty and that brings debris in the gun too.
2. Climbing trees or other structures that are expressly forbidden. If they say don't climb trees, they're telling you for a reason. If you climb a tree, you can fall out of it... especially if somebody starts shooting at you when you're in the tree and are trying to dodge the incoming fire.
3. Shooting people point blank. It's usually not nice getting shot within 3 meters. It hurts and usually leaves a welt. If they say there is a surrender rule, then use the surrender rule.
4. Going out of bounds. You're here to play paintball right? a game right?... then follow the rules. If they say the boundary is a road, or a rope, or a piece of plastic tape... then don't go beyond it. The name of the game is to have a level playing field where a fair contest can take place. Going out of bounds is cheating.
5. Wiping paint or not calling hits. It's cheating. Don't do it. People on the other team will hate you, and people on your own team will probably hate you too. It says a lot about your character if you cheat.

• 4. Think tactically
  

A lot of people will hate me for telling you this, but paintball is a wargame. Even the version where they wear neons and play with bouncy castles... that's still a war game. Because you're firing projectiles at eachother, and trying to gain ground. If you're going to play a wargame, you've got to think like a soldier. And there are certin things soldiers do...

1. Use cover. They do not fire from out in the open, completely unprotected from enemy fire.
2. Spread out. Soldiers who bunch up make easy targets. Do not hang around close to other players, you'll draw enemy fire to you quicker than flies on shit.
3. Communicate. It's a team game, talk, yell, or signal team players.
4. Do not draw unnecessary attention to your position. Screaming and running around like Rambo doesn't make you a better player, it makes you a better target.
   

DO NOT DO...

• 5. Beg other players you don't know, for paint

It's EXTREMELY rude. Even if you go so far as to say "I will pay you back" or "I will reimburse you for this paint", it's still a hassle for other players because it then means they have to go and chase you up later on. Do not assume that just because they have extra paint, that you are somehow hard done by. The other players who have more paint... unlike you... have planned ahead. They don't play just to make themselves conveniently available for you, they play for fun and play to win. If you're short on paint, make do with what you have. Choose your shots and focus more on movement than shooting. You don't actually need paintballs to play paintball.

• 6. Lift up your mask during the game
  

If they haven't told you, they should have told you. When a paintball hits a human eyeball, it's like a hammer hitting a grape. You WILL lose your eye, and you don't have second chances with them. If you have a goggle problem, such as goggle fog... call yourself out, and go off the field to a designated safe area before removing your goggles. Lifting your goggles during the game is a quick way of getting yourself immediately expelled from the field if you are caught doing it. It's for your own safety.

• 7. Blind firing
  

The operative meaning being;- firing your paintball gun without actually looking where your balls are going and what you are shooting at. Usually done around corners or over small barricades. Blind firing is a careless action. Because you cannot see where your rounds are going... you're probably missing anyway, and you could even be firing upon friendly's who happen to be nearby. Don't do it.

• 8. Being afraid to advance, and afraid of getting hit

Getting hit is like being hit with a rubber band, It's not that bad, especially if you have some clothes overtop of your exposed skin. It will hurt more if you are hit close range, but most times you are hit will in fact not be at close range anyway.

Do not be afraid to advance. Move past your first bunker, move out of your base. Try to move past the half way point of the field. The name of the game is to capture the flag or the fort... you do this by attacking, taking ground, driving the enemy back, or moving around the enemy to achieve your goal. If you want to only sit back around the base, and not actually fire your gun... you can do that at home, in front the TV. Come to play or don't come at all.